My GP at work couldn’t have been more brilliant through all this, especially compared to the GP at my local doctors. It just goes to show it really does depend on who you get to see. I’ve been having blood tests (which kept having to be re-done) and waiting for appointments since late last year, but not once did my NHS GP or the gynaecologist she sent me to mention the possibility of early menopause after seeing my test results. The gynaecologist just took a look at them and said they can’t be right and told me I needed to get my FSH and LH retested when I got my next period. (FSH is the Follicle-Stimulating hormone, released by the pituitary gland, that stimulates an egg follicle to grow each month. If these egg follicles aren’t produced (for example when you are nearing menopause), more and more FSH is produced in an attempt to get the ovaries to produce these egg follicles. LH is the Luteinising Hormone which, among other things, causes the ovarian follicle to release the mature egg during ovulation. Again, if this doesn’t happen, more LH is released to try and stimulate the release).

But today I went to see a private consultant as, ironically, I haven’t had another period since. Timing heh. When the private consultant saw my blood test results for FSH and LH, I think she knew straight away what was going on. She asked if anyone had talked to me about what these numbers might mean. Errrr, no! When I had the test done on the NHS my FSH level was 23.6 (a ‘normal’ range is 3.5-12.5), but the private consultant said no matter what day of the cycle the test was done, you should never get a reading that high and it was a strong indication of early menopause?!? She scanned my ovaries which were very small with no follicles on one and only 1 on the other, and sent me for more blood tests to confirm her suspicions. I felt so confused as I sat back down opposite her. I really think I went to see her naively just to confirm things were still ok; I had started to think we might need help but surely the GP or the gynaecologist would have said something if there was really something to worry about. The consultant was understanding but quite matter of fact (I guess they see it all the time) when she told me if this was confirmed my only option to carry a baby would be egg donation…..

I left feeling numb, but as soon as I called Mr M I broke down. Walking across London Bridge with tears streaming down my face I told him what the consultant had said. ‘But it won’t be my baby’, I sobbed. I emailed work and said I wasn’t feeling well and just came home and cried. A lot. I’ve got another appointment in 2 days but the consultant told me I should bring my partner for support. So, no good news coming then. I am so angry at my GP that she didn’t even flag the anomalies in my results before just passing on the referral to the Gynae centre. I was still getting periods last year so if she or even the gynaecologist (whose job it is to know those numbers!!) had flagged it maybe something could have been done earlier. Or maybe not. I’ve been doing acupuncture to see if that could help to regulate my cycle and boost fertility but maybe that was a waste of time (and money) if we’d known I was in early menopause already. And all the peeing on ovulation sticks waiting for the smiley flashing face and trying to have sex at the right time and what for! It starts off all exciting and having lots of sex but then you kind of get obsessed and it all just revolves around that. I know I probably got a bit obsessive about it, and annoying to Mr M. And now it seems like it was all for nothing.