God, I’m all over the place at the moment. 10 days on from the diagnosis, and I am convinced that egg donation is the right thing for us. I have literally thought about nothing else since my diagnosis; I’ve googled, talked to Mr M, my sister, my acupuncturist.  And I don’t know if it’s because it is our only option which makes it an easier decision, but I think I’m 100% for the idea now. I’ve had some really low days over the last week where I’ve felt so down about the situation we’re in. But I think I’m quite a pragmatist, and the last day or two I’ve just been thinking, these are the cards that I’ve been dealt, other people have far worse things to deal with, so here we are, with an option for me to still carry a baby, so that is what we’ll do. My acupuncturist also gave me an article where they are starting to study why, with egg donation babies, the child sometimes has not just the mannerisms of the mum (which can obviously be picked up through nurture) but also have other similar, more physical, characteristics. I understand this could have something to do with the donor being matched with the carrying mother in basic physical characteristics. But they are starting to think that the mother can ‘affect’ the growing baby. It makes sense given that my blood would be flowing through the foetus and the egg is connected to my body from the moment its transferred. The research is still in its infancy so who knows, but it gave me a little boost. I think Mr M is more cautious, understandably so. I think he’s worried that I need longer to come to terms with everything that has happened but I feel so certain now. I know it is his decision as well and it’s got to be right for him to go down the route of using another woman’s eggs to have a child with me, but I’m really worried he might not want to do it. Having said all that positivity, today I feel completely rubbish about the whole situation. Why me??? Menopause at 40… Having to consider finding an egg donor to have a baby… It just all seems so unfair (but when has life ever been fair). I’m up, down, convinced, uncertain, angry, accepting. All over the shop!