Today we went for another scan with our consultant to see how the bleeding was going and check that the baby was ok. I’ve been literally doing nothing for the past 2.5weeks, taking ‘taking it easy’ to new extremes and sometimes not even going out of the house. I know I should have gone out to get some fresh air everyday but it was amazing how quickly the lethargy set in, and I just couldn’t be bothered to do anything. Apart from eat! I’ve always been a good eater, and have amazed people with how much I can put away given I’m only 5’2″ and 54kg. But I have really surpassed myself this last fortnight. I think it’s been boredom for sure, but nothing was safe. And I wasn’t even hungry most of the time, given I was probably burning about 500 calories a day with my slothness. I’m used to being really active and did a lot of exercise before my first pregnancy, so I have amazed myself how quickly I could go the other way. I think a bit of it as well was the worry. I thought if I literally did nothing everything would be ok. But with doing nothing, comes alack of energy and definitely feeling low. Motivation to do anything became pretty non-existent so the days just rolled by with thoughts of what can I eat next, and is the baby ok. I don’t think I would have worried so much as I haven’t had any more bleeding and only the dullest of aches every now and again, but I made the fatal mistake of googling, and in every mums forum there was talk of missed miscarriages (which I’d never heard of before) and only finding out the baby wasn’t ok when they went for a scan and there was no heartbeat. I thought you’d always get symptoms. So, as my heart raced on the way to the consultant today, I tried to prepare myself for the worst news. But I just couldn’t. How do you prepare to hear something like that? I told myself I couldn’t have done any more (or less as the case may be), but thoughts of losing the baby wouldn’t go away.

And then we saw it. Our little blob had doubled in size over the last 2 weeks (thanks to all the food no doubt!) and was wriggling away as soon as the consultant started the scan. God, the relief!! And it actually looks like a baby now. There is still bleeding around the uterus but it’s about half the size than it was and the consultant said if I carry on taking it easy it should either come out or absorb into my body over the next couple of months. I’ve to stop doing the blood thinner injections and start reducing the steroid tablet in 2 weeks, but apart from that I can finish all the other meds when they run out (so in 2-6 weeks depending on the drug) and go for a 16 week Early Anomaly scan before coming back to see the consultant. I think I’ve been so worried about the bleeding that I haven’t really given myself chance to think about the pregnancy progressing but we’re at 10 weeks already! Mr M said on the way home as well that it all feels a bit more real now so he’s obviously been worried as well. We left with big smiles and thanks as always to our brilliant consultant. But as soon as we got into the lift I cried. The relief is huge, and the fact we can send texts to the grannies and my sister with a video of our wriggly baby instead of telling them we need to try again feels brilliant. My heart goes out to all the couples that don’t get that good news, and it made me take a moment on the journey home to be so very grateful.

So we are another step closer. I’ll still be taking it easy but I’ll be reversing my recluse-status of the last 2.5 weeks just every-so-slightly.