I had my second counselling session today. When I went back to see the GP at work after the diagnosis, she recommended it, and I’ve always been open to counselling for whatever reason. After the initial diagnosis, and accompanying devastation, I feel like I came round to accepting what had happened and the idea of egg donation very quickly. To me, once I’d got my head around it, and researched and looked into the whole process, I thought there’s nothing I can do to change this, and I’m not sick, none of my family are sick, so it could be a lot worse. And then I just knew it was what I wanted to do. So, if counselling could reassure me 1) that I wasn’t hiding my feelings, and this was all going to blow up in my face further down the line; and 2) this really was the right decision for me and Mr M, it was worth a try. Now, I realise counselling is no guarantee, and you don’t get a certificate at the end of it saying yep, you’re fine, and you’re making the right decision, but anything to help with the process would be good.

To be honest, I can’t say that I gelled that well with my counsellor. She was very nice, but seemed a bit lacklustre. I know counsellors aren’t supposed to offer you advice, or anything like that, but it seemed a very one-sided conversation. I’ve had counselling in the past and got much more feedback. Today, we talked about things that had happened in my past – me losing my dad at 20, being hit by a lorry and almost dying, my ex-husbands affair and subsequent nasty divorce, life basically – and her conclusion was that I seemed to have handled all those things well and dealt with them, and seemed to be handling this new dilemma that had been thrown at me with the same pragmatic and level-headed approach. Now, I would say that most of the time I am pragmatic, and was very glad to hear that I had coped with everything that life had thrown at me, but it felt just a bit like a sweeping statement (after such a short time talking). She told me that I was very welcome to come back for more sessions but seemed to suggest that if the purpose of them was to make sure that I was coping with my menopause/egg donation situation, basically I was good to go. I might be dumbing it down slightly but that’s what it felt like in a nutshell. So I left with that box ticked, if not feeling a little disillusioned with it all. I’m not sure how someone, even a professional, can come to all those conclusions in two sessions but I didn’t feel I would get any more out of seeing this particular counsellor again, so I left it at that. I do feel very comfortable with these decisions that we’re making at the moment and I feel totally at ease with the decision to go ahead with egg donation, so maybe she was right and just very succinct?! We just need to decide when’s the best time to do it now.